Why NP?
Recently, I have had a few people tell me how smart it was to pursue a graduate degree and “get away from the bedside.” While some may also say “I’d never want to do that, because I love working 3 days a week”, there is a misconception that I have chosen to become an NP because I just can’t stand being a nurse or that I’m sick of being at the bedside and nursing is so terrible. The fact for me is that it’s not. My experience as a nurse has been filled with so many different experiences that over the past 11 years I have learned more about myself and who I am as a person, and leaving the bedside is the last thing on my mind. I enjoy how challenging it can be, I enjoy the different personalities I encounter, and it has all taught me an incredibly important quality as a human being; tolerance. Tolerance is not allowing people to disrespect you or dismiss what you need for your patients, but it is the ability to adjust and be flexible in the face of adversity. When you care for people at their worst, it is understandable why they are upset, angry, sad, depressed, or submissive. Tolerance shows you why. This does not mean I think it is okay that there are people in this world who attack healthcare staff, but I do understand that just because they have walked into (or been brought to) a hospital, it does not magically undo who they are, or what they have experienced along their journey, called life.
My why for becoming an NP is not to escape being a nurse, and as a matter of fact, I can say that it will never take away my compassion, love, and appreciation I have for nursing. My why is not to make more money or have more authority over others. My why is to learn more about what affects our health as we age, teach others how to take control over their lives and health, build relationships with nurses, and lead them to take ownership and pride in what they do for people and most importantly empower patients with knowledge they can use to be better versions of themselves in all phases of life or their disease process.
I did not know I was meant to care for others until I was about 27 years old. Prior to caring for developmentally disabled adults, many bodily functions either made me laugh or grossed me out. But there was another side to caring for strangers; humility. One must possess humility in order to care for someone else and give up control over the situation involving care. No person wants to be controlled or made to feel like their free will has been taken from them. My job as a nurse is not to control what, how, and when people do things. My job as a nurse is to ease suffering and lead them to optimal health. The word caretaker is not synonymous with dictator.
Becoming an NP will not be any “easier”. It will be different, challenging, stressful, and just as I have thought about what it can be like as a nurse, overwhelming. I am not foolish to think that once I have an advanced degree, all of my stress will disappear. I do not assume that once I’m an NP, I won’t experience loss, fear, or tragedy. But one thing is certain, I will still be me. I will still give my 100% even if it means I miss out on breaks or uninterrupted time outside of work. I will give my patients what time I have to listen to them, tell me their stories, ask them about who they are, and allow them to vent if they are upset. This is who I am. And this is my why…
